Why is it every time a woman talks about the importance of having a partner who she finds physically attractive it is considered shallow? It is frustrating to see people automatically shut down women just because they value physical attraction in addition to emotional connection. 

Society enforces that women should accept men’s flaws regardless of whether or not they find them attractive. They are told if he at least has a “nice” personality then he should be given a chance. 

A lot of children’s literature and movies focus on stories in which women accept the outcasts of society — the “ugly” men. They are then rewarded for their kind, forgiving nature. Fairy tales like “The Frog Prince” and “Beauty and the Beast” were created to sell the idea of never judging a book by its cover. In both of these stories, the female protagonists are paired with male animal counterparts. 

Within each story, the woman accepts the male’s monstrous flaws before they are magically transformed into a handsome prince by the end of the story. To avoid public scrutiny, girls try to fit the role of being the “understanding” Belle and settle for men who they are not attracted to, thinking they are finding their “prince.”

But should we not be teaching ourselves and our daughters that we can have a partner who is both physically and emotionally attractive? Our partners should not be a project, they should be our equals.

Women must speak up for what qualities they want in a partner – someone who is both physically attractive and has an amazing personality – and not shamed for having “high standards” or asking for too much. 

According to Psychology Today, men consciously recognize the importance of physical attraction more than women. Men are allowed to value physical attractiveness because they were always told to get a beautiful girl and that a “good girl” who is gorgeous will come along and accept them for who they are.

On the other hand, women who dream of finding their handsome and perfect “Prince Charming” are immediately dismissed for being too judgmental and high maintenance. I had a conversation with my friends on the subject where I unapologetically spoke about how I view physical attractiveness as important. They immediately verbally tackled me and said my belief is not popular. They said I need to abandon it in order to get a boyfriend. 

One of my friends even went out of her way to talk about how she personally did not find her current boyfriend attractive in the beginning, but she convinced herself that he was attractive since he had a good personality.

They told me to settle because the idea of a woman actually finding her partner physically attractive was too much to ask for. I believe that we should love and value all aspects of our partners. Society needs to encourage women to not expect to settle when they find a partner, but to truly find someone that they are 100% comfortable and happy with.

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