Let's talk about sex…after marriage


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Sex is good. Sex is incredible. Sex feels incredible, or so I am told. I would not know because I am waiting until marriage to find out.

The decision to wait until your wedding night is split in our culture, but there seems to be a shift with waiting until marriage being labeled taboo.

People have sex on their wedding night to consummate their marriage, not sex before marriage to consummate their future relationship. Sex is intimate and emotional and there should be a deep connection between people before having sex. I disagree with people who say that you cannot really know a person until you sleep with them. I know my best friend. I never slept with her. She knows everything about me, and so does my fiancé. I have not slept with him either. I get to know him better through deep conversations, not deep penetration.

According to WebMD, which referenced a study in the Journal of Family Psychology, “Couples who wait until marriage are happier with the quality of sex than couples who have intercourse before their vows.”

I have seen my friends who are not waiting have their relationships fall apart and be built strictly on sex, not on a relationship. How are you supposed to have a relationship if you do not even know each other?

The same study found that 22 percent of people who waited until their wedding night to have sex had a more stable relationship. The Telegraph, a United Kingdom-based newspaper reported, “Those who practiced abstinence were also found to have 20 percent increased levels of relationship satisfaction, 12 percent better communication and 15 percent improved “sexual quality,” with these statistics coming from the same study.

Sex releases endorphins, the chemicals in the brain that make us feel happy, but so does exercising and laughing. But like working out and having a giggle fit, the feeling of joy is only temporary, just like the feelings after sex.

There are obvious physical consequences to premarital sex like unwanted pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, but there are also emotional consequences to premarital sex.

According to physiciansforlife.org, loss of self-respect and self-esteem, shaken trust and fear of commitment, guilt and regret are all emotional consequences to premarital sex.

Additionally, there is the religious side of waiting. Personally, this is a large part of why I have chosen to wait. I feel that sex is something special for one person and that person is my husband. There are multiple references to waiting until marriage for sex throughout the Bible. Youth events such as The Silver Ring Thing promote abstinence. Some celebrities such as the now defunct Jonas Brothers sported purity rings, which many people choose to wear as a physical reminder to themselves and to their future husband or wife of their choice to wait.

Do not get me wrong, waiting to have sex is no easy thing, especially the way our culture shoves it down our throats, but ultimately, I think it is worth it.

Follow @CaraShumaker on twitter for news and more.


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