Pat Benatar declared “Love Is a Battlefield” in her popular 1983 song of the same name. Today, love is a reclamation site, and Generation Z is its refugees.

From “situationships” to diverging worldviews, the dating world is as volatile as it has ever been.

For that reason, we have asked writers and editors here at The Slate the question: Is romance dead? These are their answers:

Romance is not necessarily dead, but for some people, it is being put on a pedestal. There are sayings and theories that come out on social media, telling people how to accept romantic affection. Other media like books and movies have also affected modern romance, giving people false expectations.

There is still some hope, but most people nowadays are too scared to approach one another. They fear rejection and being perceived. There is a lack of confidence fueling lost connections.

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I believe romance is not dead, but it is more like beauty in the way that it is in the eye of the beholder. It means romance is not dead, but it is different for different relationships.

All types of media have put out overwhelming ideas and expectations for what romance is, but I believe romance is whatever makes the other person in your relationship feel the most loved and cared for.

Romance does not have to be the stereotypical acts and ideas everyone thinks they are, but instead what makes you and your partner the happiest, and the actions tailored to that.

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I do not think romance is dead, but I do think our standards for what romance is have changed. This is the era of “situationships” and commitment issues.

It feels like real relationships are hard to come by. I also think social media has heavily affected how we view romance. You see a post about couples buying each other elaborate gifts, and the next post is a woman defending her boyfriend for treating her terribly.

We cannot help but compare ourselves and our partners to these people, even if we have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. Romance is not dead, but it is certainly not easy to come by.

* * *

So much of modern dating has been a return to brutal realism. Like a resume, swipe-based dating apps make it so people can weed out suitors in as quick a manner as possible. Weird selfie? That is the “ick,” and you are gone; Those under 6 feet 3 inches need not apply.

It is a cynicism that has arisen out of the ashes of the acceptance and inner-beauty movements of the millennial era.

One example of this is the overall effect social media has had on the scene. Tik Tokers have created such drivel as the “The Bird Theory,” “Orange Peel Theory” and “The Invisible String” to name a few. But there are so many of these that we now have an influencer-curated dating world. 

But the problem is that influencers no longer influence anything. The process has seemingly become automated.

For example, let us imagine that pancakes go viral as the ultimate breakfast food. Everyone is talking about pancakes. They are memeing them and creating AI Reels about them. Soon, it all starts to blend together. The 30 follower accounts are “slop-posting” about them, and your Boomer uncle is making contextually incorrect jokes about pancakes. 

To stand out, a subset of influencers will branch off to French Toast, even though they have no real opinion on any of it. They just want clicks, the real “first mover” of modern society.

This means we are left in situation where the tail wags the dog. The dating advice you are consuming is not based on any real philosophy or thought, but a reactionary process designed for the influencers self-interest in getting attention. 

Moreover, we have a growing rift between the sexes. Men are growing more right-wing and women more left. Each of them has their own idols. A subset of men is listening to Andrew Tate talk about “putting women in their place,” while women are fast to follow Sabrina Carpenter in calling all men pigs.

With men learning to hate women and women learning to hate men, is it any wonder things are getting rough out there?

The truth is that most of us vastly overestimate our worth in the oligarchal society that has taken hold and that ultimately funds the influencer economy. We punch a clock and go to our classes while tech companies pay frauds who do not consider themselves your peers. The best we could do for ourselves is to try to live an honest and rational life. Loving someone for who they are and not some adherence to a scene or an influencer’s rules would be a good start.

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Romance is not dead. Finding a true, lasting connection, especially on a college campus, feels near futile, but one will find it when they least expect it.

All the Barbie movies, Disney shows, Taylor Swift songs and Nora Roberts novels taught the lesson: love is real and the best thing that will ever happen. And then, reality returns. College is the first time a teenager faces adulthood and has (mostly) absolute freedom to make whichever choice suits them best at the moment.

This generation has grown accustomed to 15-second dopamine hits fueled by swiping reels and smoking e-devices. Society wants everything brighter, better and faster. Because of that, society is losing its ability to take the time to build something real and lasting — iPhones and relationships alike.

To find romance, one needs to take the time to find and love themselves. Taking the time to build an authentic understanding and respect for the inner self unlocks the ability to look for and build one with someone else. That is the lesson they should have taught.

Late-night laughs and warm hugs, holding hands while grocery shopping and surprise flowers are everything they are made up to be and more. Not just a romantic partner, but a best friend, is the best thing that could ever happen.

Happily-ever-after will find you, and you might just find them here at The Slate.

* * *

When thinking about romance in the past versus today, I cannot help but think of female autonomy. For most of history, women did not have a choice regarding who they married. They were either sold off or forced to marry a man for money or political power.

Due to economic or legal pressures, marriage was the primary route to stability. Even unmarried women relied on male relatives financially. They had no other choice. Today, women are still treated as lesser than men. However, we at least have more autonomy in our everyday lives.

Women can choose, in most parts of the world, who they date and marry. They can choose to date as many men as they like, sleep around or commit, but at least they have a choice.

I hear men online call women picky about who they marry. That they should just settle and marry someone before they get old. But I think there’s something beautiful about not settling, about knowing your worth and what you deserve.

Romance is not dead, but women have more choice in the matter. We do not center our lives around men. Relationships are supposed to add to our life. We should not settle just for the sake of a relationship. The most important relationship is the one you build with yourself.

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Deciding on whether romance is dead heavily relies on a person’s influences, like their family, and how that romance was shown through others.

For some, romance suggests a big gesture: flowers, candle-lit dinners or dressing up nice to go out somewhere. For others, the act of spending time with a person they like once a week is their definition of romance.

While the latter may be OK for some, it shows how much our generation takes easy love for granted. It is so easy to like someone and start dating them in an instant, even if the only interactions you have had with them are through snaps or texts.

We have collectively started stepping away from the romantic gestures of the past and moving to something that is simpler.

It is starting to feel like there is no thought behind the actions of romance anymore, and people are saying “I love you” to their partners at the drop of a hat. Romance is not dead quite yet, but it feels like it is slowly dying.

There are people who have seen wonderful examples of romantic relationships in their lives, and they want to be that type of person for the significant other in their life. 

Though it feels society is slipping away from idealistic romantic norms, there are some people in this modern world of dating who will bring hope to the hopeless romantics.

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