Imagine you were handed the keys to your favorite fictional franchise. You would feel a duty to the fans and the legacy of the show. You would pick up the stories and characters that were left behind long before you could even walk upright. You would honor what made the show great, right?

Well, the folks over at Paramount have decided to once again do none of that with “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy,” their latest offering in the “Star Trek” universe for streaming that debuted earlier this month.

Instead of giving the fans a complex space exploration show that explores ethical dilemmas and takes place in the canon’s 25th century, where “Star Trek: Picard’s” third season concluded, we are treated to another moody, made-for-TikTok-clips teen drama.

“Star Trek: Starfleet Academy” takes place in the universe’s far future, the 32nd century, which was a piece of the timeline that was created for “Star Trek: Discovery’s” third season. And while that may seem like unnecessary lore for a review, it is representative of the problem with modern “Star Trek.”

The show’s 32nd century is the product of modern millennial rot that is infesting writers’ rooms. From its inception in the 1960s to its golden era in the ’90s, “Star Trek” has been a series about the utopian future of the United Federation of Planets. It was a force for good in the universe that sought to explore, understand and defend against hostile encroachments.

The new future timeline is none of that. Because the modern TV writer cannot fathom writing about anything other than corrupt institutions and class struggle, we are treated to a dystopian future where crime is rampant. The Federation is a shell of its former self.

That is where “Starfleet Academy” begins, with the Federation separating the child-version of our protagonist, Caleb Mir — Sandro Rosta, when portrayed as an adult — from his mother when she and our antagonist, Nus Braka (Paul Giamatti), kill a Federation officer in the process of stealing food.

Caleb escapes before being sent to a Federation orphanage and grows up a standard roguish, criminal anti-hero type we have come to know in pretty much every modern show. 

While it is odd for “Star Trek” to have a central protagonist instead of its usual ensemble focus, “Star Trek” is a series that will always have a prominent captain. Unfortunately, we have Captain Nahla Ake portrayed by Holly Hunter.

She is the one who separated the young Caleb from his mother. And now that adult Caleb has been arrested, Captain Ake is looking to correct the past. 

Luckily for them, the Federation is reopening the titular Starfleet Academy. But in an act of unprofessional favoritism not seen since Dumbledore toward Harry Potter, Captain Ake will only agree to run the new academy if Caleb is admitted.

It is always nice when someone is admitted to the space equivalent of West Point as a punishment.

The school is a starship under the command of Captain Ake, who written as a whimsical, free-spirited captain that comes off as more Ms. Frizzle than “Star Trek.” 

You do not want Ms. Frizzle squaring off with Romulans.

The rest of the student characters are thoroughly unremarkable. If you were to take a guess as to each of their archetypes just based on the promo images, you would probably be correct.

You have Caleb as the rough but talented rogue, the bully, a girl who has obvious romantic tension with two of the male leads, and the shy girl who has trouble making friends. Where have we seen this before?

In the climax of the show, the students all join together to save the day when Braka (Giamatti) attacks the ship.

The follow-up episode is just brooding and just as overdramatized, which is one of the central problems. Every show now is an edgy tale about corruption with dramatic monologues made for TikTok.

“Star Trek,” like most franchises, would do well to respect its legacy, and its fans, and stop trying to reinvent something just to put some modern stamp on it. 

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