We live in tragic times. Life is seemingly discarded on a mass scale almost daily, yet we persist. And those who remain must carry the burden of trying to make sense of loss in a world that seems more indifferent than ever before.

But none of this is new. The only guarantee in life is death, and while that may be grim, our strength as a species, and a great deal of what makes us human, is derived from how we handle death and tragedy, whether it be someone close to us or some distant act of violence.

An important way we honor the passing of someone important to us, whether they are family or friend, is to reflect on the impact that they had on us and others.

Grief and sadness are natural, and they are processed with time. However, reflecting on the value someone added to the world is something that should be done for the rest of our lives.

For example, if someone important to us has passed and they were a valued member of our community, reflect on why and act based on their example. If they imparted wisdom and life values to us, live by that wisdom and those values. To live virtuously is to live how the virtuous did in our lives, as Aristotle mused.

In civilization’s infancy, before the internet and a globally connected world, this was how values and traditions were passed down. Songs were sung and communities honored their forbearers by orally passing down their memory for generations.

Death is a natural part of life, and while grief will pass, the example that the departed set can remain for generations. Even as loved ones physically grow old and pass, their spirit and memory will live on forever.

But do we as a society honor those within our community appropriately? Sometimes, but more often than not, we state that someone has passed and offer “resources” for those who grieve. 

We think that messages about an individual who has passed should be more relevant to who they are and the examples they set. Tell us about their family and friends, their goals and joys. 

These are messages that are more human. It is fine to say that resources are available and provide for people who are grieving, but this lacks the community honors of old. 

The term closure is a misnomer. It is not meant to be an acceptance of the bare and raw feelings of no longer seeing someone we loved. It should be the turning of the page, where someone goes from physical influence on us to an ephemeral one that lives on in our heart and in our spirit.

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