From fist pumps to breast pumps


Mark it down in history.

August. 25, 2012 was the cry heard around the world.

Yes everyone, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi gave birth to her 6 pound, 5 ounce bouncing baby boy at
Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingstone, N.J., just before 3 a.m.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

I just do not know how I feel about a woman who has made her fame and fortune by consuming large quantities of alcohol becoming a parent.

Granted, a new baby being brought into the world is both a wonderful and amazing moment and my congratulations go out to the proud parents, but I cannot help but feel sorry for the little tike.
Lorenzo Dominic LaValle is quite possibly the most famous newborn in the world at this moment.
In fact, he is all celebrity columnists are talking about.

Or anyone for that matter as I walk to class on campus every day.

There is a major presidential campaign going on, the republican convention has started and the Democratic convention is on the way, and little Lorenzo is receiving what seems like 24-hour coverage.

What has reality television done to the world?

Now what some of you may be thinking is who cares?

Well, you are right. Writing this article was a second option for me. However, Snooki baby bumped from second to first when I heard some of the rumors spreading about the coverage of this child.
That is I why I am risking early onset carpal tunnel by furiously typing this in an annoyed fit.
Just hours after the delivery of the baby, Twitter exploded with tweets regarding the birth of little Lorenzo.

Members of the “Jersey Shore” cast gave their best wishes for the new parents and thousands of fans turned to almost every social media outlet to express their excitement to the arrival of Lorenzo.

A representive for Polizzi told MTV, “The world just got another guido.”
Guido is not a word.

I checked the dictionary twice.

As if the coverage of this child was not drawn out of proportion enough, Polizzi appointed Jenni Farley “JWoww” as director in the delivery room.

Yes, if you have not already figured it out, the delivery was filmed, and the happy parents would like to air the delivery to the world on television.

No word has been said whether the tape will air.
Hopefully it will not.

MTV has also been very excited for the newest member of the “Jersey Shore” saying, “We couldn’t be happier for Nicole and Jionni on the healthy delivery of their baby boy.

We look forward to Lorenzo’s first trip to the Jersey Shore and cannot wait to see his first animal print onesie.”

All this new baby excitement has not stopped the producers at MTV with finding any way possible to drive ratings with the reality show cast.

The last four months of Polizzi’s pregnancy will be a part of the next season of “Jersey Shore,” which is set to air in October.

Yes, because that is what a pregnant woman should be doing during her third trimester, subjecting her baby to cigarette smoke and bad decisions.

The responsible mother however, said she did not sleep in the house with the other cast mates but instead, stayed with the cast during the day, and would stay in her own house next door at night.
Not once did Polizzi ever let her pregnancy stop her crazy antics.

During the new spinoff show, “Snooki and JWoww,” Polizzi filmed the new reality series while living apart from baby daddy Jionni; she also went to Cancun for “a girl’s weekend.”
While there, Polizzi continually complained about her delicate condition and how it prevented her from having as much fun as the other girls were having.

First of all, why would anyone want to go to Cancun while pregnant?

Of course you will not be able to have the fun and relaxing vacation you wanted.
Second, since when has being pregnant become a handicap?

Now that Lorenzo is here, Jionni and Nicole intend to start planning a wedding for the fall of 2013.
Until then, they want to enjoy little Lorenzo’s company, and have him wear a tiny tux at their wedding.

I can just see the animal print altar now.


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